Big Media and O.J. Simpson Awarded Millions in Tax Breaks by Congress

On the eve of O.J. Simpson's preliminary court hearings today, Congress passed comprehensive tax reform legislation that will award the MSNBC, CNN, Fox News Network, and O.J. Simpson with $10.7 million dollars in tax credits. The Bill's passage surprised even ardent supporters of this Congress (e.g. 10% of the population) due to its expediency and bipartisanship.

The rationale behind the legislation was agreed upon by both sides of the isle. "We wanted to thank the networks for their continued coverage of key news events," said one leading Democrat under conditions of anonymity. "The American people need distractions from the real problems America faces. We the Congress and the President will take care of the important matters. And , what better way to achieve this goal than by rewarding our Newstainment industry with the funds they need to get the job done?" added the Congressman.

When asked about the inclusion of an ear mark to provide O.J. Simpson with 13.7% of the funding, congressional members from California and Nevada agreed that Mr. Simpson earned these benefits by taking a stand against Global Warming. A member of the Nevada delegation stated that "Back in 1989, O.J. drove a large gas-guzzling Ford SUV on nationwide TV. That sent the wrong message to the American people. Today O.J. was driven to his appearance in a Japanesse built Hybrid. With that simple gesture, he told Americans that he cares about the environment. For that he deserves due credit."

While the resolution passed with an overwhelming majority of votes, a minority group of extreme-Centrist (which represent about 80% of the population) were noticeably angered by this Bill's passage. They released a prepared statement which outlined what some call "an extreme Constitutional manifesto." Their agenda includes:

- H. Res. 333 to impeach Dick Cheney for deceiving the Americans and the Congress.
- Pass S-CHIP Bill to provide health benefits to 10M low-to-middle class children.
- Defense Funding Bill (fund only $50B of the requested $256B by the President.)
- Passage of the Farm Appropriations Bill.

"With such an extreme agenda, no wonder our approval ratings are so low" decried one Republican Senator from Pennsylvania. " America is just too busy worrying about Britney, Dog the Bounty Hunter, O.J. and many other critical issues. They also have SUV gas bills, Mexicans over-running their 7-11s, and of course the impending Al-Queda terrorist attack. The Constitution is the least of their worries. Let's just hope they don't start getting sick and find out they need Health Coverage." continued the Senator with a smirk.

Juan Carlos Perez
Chief Congressional Correspondent
Demopublican News Network